Have you ever been so sure that you are doing all the right things, only to realize you actually are still stuck in the same position. This was me on my first day in driving school. I thought I followed all the instructions, started the car, looked in my mirrors and engaged gear 1. I excitedly stepped on the accelerator, raving as much as I could and to my amazement, I did not move an inch. Very puzzled and nervous I mumbled to myself, I have done everything why am I not moving? A gentle giggle from my driving instructor with his hand on his mouth made me even more puzzled. Finally he says “sometimes its best to follow All the instructions and not what you think you know”. Silly me I thought, I had completely forgotten the hand brake. I had to start all over again and trust me to this day when all fails, I always remember my handbrake.
We can only learn when we fail but we do not quit or give up. We start all over again and we will forever be greatful for the failures because we learn lessons that are never forgotten.
Although no comparison, this is sometimes how it is when you are faced with the gift of raising a child with autism or caring for someone with a disability or illness. There is no manual in this case that tells you exactly what to do and nomatter how many books you read, they only guide you to a point and you have to figure the rest out on your own because each individual is unique. This is when I marvel and the awesomeness of God.
I have taken a while before my next blog because I have been at a cross road, stuck in reverse for the longest time. I have tried many routes and gone back to the start with so much disappointment but yet God gives me the strength to keep trusting and trying again. Most times I have been impatient and not followed things through, jumping from one thing to another, forgetting that like driving you have to engage all the right things to get moving, you cannot cheat.
Nothing could prepare me for the ups and downs. I have watched my baby hit milestones only to go back down to zero because of an illness or sensory overload. No one tells you about the regression, you work so hard at taking a small leap forward, only to watch them slide right back to the start. Its a journey but I chose to find joy rather than despair on this journey. I know his not where I want him to be but his not where he was before and God knows exactly where he is and where he is taking him and in that I find rest.
I exhale daily when overwhelmed, reminding myself with each passing moment, our baby boy is doing fine. He is cheeky, empathetic and has a smile that will melt your heart and that reminds me that he is a gift and the struggles should only remind me of the strength God has given me to raise him. Oh what lessons I am learning, and I am greatful.
I have so much to say but yet am sure most of you know more than me so I will keep it short and brief.
Please look out for my next blog in a week’s time, where I unfold our GAPS diet journey and why we have gone back to the beginning.
As always, keep your head up, and Never give up because God will guide you through all the ups and downs, I can testify.