How many times did I ask myself that question? I longed for all around me to tell me “It is not” but what good was that going to do. I knew something was not right, my little boy was disappearing into a fog right before my eyes and I couldn’t stop him. He had words mama, dada, Rebuka(that’s how he called his sister). He waved bye and said bye to his grandmother and slowly we watched it all fade away. A loud laughter traumatised him. Was it the car accident, I thought, is this a dream or is my little boy slipping away. I was confused, I was scared but I knew I am not alone.
Friends told me he was simply too young and he is okay, but as a mother I knew something was happening to my little boy and I couldn’t stop it. The final straw is when he started to walk on his toes, spin around hand flapping while making repeated sounds. These are all signs for autism. My heart sunk, I couldn’t find the courage to tell myself “It is” but I knew my baby had developed autism. At 16months I begun my journey, tirelessly searching for answers praying for wisdom and seeking help. The GP dismissed my concerns but I insisted on a referral to SLT. SLT dismissed me and said he was okay, but I went back 2months later and there it was, someone noticed, somebody was honest enough to tell me that they too were conserned. What a relief, I thought, someone sees what I see.
Although this was the start of intervention, it was far from the beginning. We were starting a journey but looking in all the wrong places. My baby started speech therapy and he quicky picked up, only to lose it all again. He became socially distanced and preffered his own company. My heart sunk, I was completely lost because I thought we had found an answer. I prayed and cried out and I knew God hears me, he is right there but I was so anxious I was not fully looking to him. Time was flying and he kept taking 2 steps forward and 2 steps back. Lock down didnt help but his nursery and therapist were amazing, they continued to see him and help him. At this point he was over 2 years old and he was still stuck in a bubble, unable to communicate and the screams were more aggressive. Shattered, I wondered to myself, how do I help my baby, how do I comfort him, how do I take him places and he doesn’t feel so overwhelmed by all the noises. A simple whisper to him was like thunder, a laughter amongst friends was like thunder and loud sirens. Please lord help me I cried out, I am trying but I am stuck. He is growing so fast am losing time. I was amazed at Gods goodness, through it all he kept me smiling and at peace. Some days better than others but he never once forsakes me.
At 2 years and a half, we got a call from the paedetrician for a telephone appointment. I was excited, I thought he were we go, we finally get some help. She confirmed although not in writing that all my little boy was experiencing were signs of autism. Saddened by her words because finally someone was telling me out loud “It is” but yet comforted that I was not insane. Someone heard me once again and help is coming. How I was wrong. That was it, all went silent and we received a letter confirming details of the call and to wait for a face to face appointment. I was greatly distressed, what can I do, where do I go?
An answer came, nursery reffered us to portage and we met a lovely young lady on zoom. I was sceptical but she was brilliant. She won him over and taught him routines to help him with his interaction that we did together over the year through lock down. She was consistent and showed great interest in my boy.
Although we had speech and portage, I could still see that we took 2 steps forward and 2 steps back, my little boy was stuck in reverse. I broke down most days, but I wiped my eyes and got back up. I couldnt stay down, time is of the essence and time is what we dont have.
I fell back on my knees, and cried out to God, but this time I began to listen. I started to listen to friends who although were not in my situation, spoke wisely and said the answer is in what my baby eats. Discouraged at first, because I begun to blame myself, but then she explained and I was at peace.
A new door had opened, but because of fear and scepticism, I brushed it off and believed speech and a few vitamins is enough. Very little changed with my baby and the words of my friend kept echoing so I begun to look into food, I begun reading articles and researching on youtube and guidance from Nutritionists. My friends words were an answer to prayer and I am thankful to God that I listened. This was the beginning of a jouney and I would love for you to travel with me where I continue to discover and unravel the effects of what we eat and how the environment we live in now compared to years ago has a big effect on our wellbeing.
Join me on my next post where I begin to tell you all about Food, my new love for fermented foods and how it is and has helped my little boy so far. It is a long way away but I must say he is moving forward and not backwards.